What hormones and sleep deprivation has reminded me

I know many of you reading this may not have children, and I really don't want to harp on about ONLY the mum part of my life. I hope I haven't been thus far! However it is the biggest, most attention requiring facet of my days and as I guide a little fella to take in the world around him, in return he is teaching me so many life skills. One of which I am in the depths of at the moment. 

This life skill is actually one I've been taught before, but as I get older I realise it is the ultimate lesson and one that life will keep bashing me over the head with. That is: acceptance.

My son is currently figuring out that his mum and dad can leave him. He doesn't want to be left and that fear of abandonment is causing him to wake up in a panic at all hours and freak out until reassured that we are still here and have, in fact, not left him. As a baby who has slept through the night since he was 8 weeks old this is very, very unusual behaviour for him. It is an intellectual and survival development that all babies have to go through. I want him to have secure attachment and am very protective of his nervous system so hate for him to get so upset and am constantly jumping to reassure him. 

However, this has all come along while I'm having the worst luteal phase that I've had in a long time. PMS on steroids. Bad. So, as I fumble through my days in a fowl mood and sleep deprived I remind myself of acceptance. 

I seek to accept that this is all part of his growth and development. 

I seek to accept that my frustration and anger are just hormonal.

I seek to accept that my house doesn't need to be absolutely perfect this week, that good enough is good enough.

I seek to accept that my faith that his sleep will come good again is going to have to be enough right now.

I seek to accept whatever my son throws my way. 

Given my mood and energy levels, I will keep this short and sweet. I share this not to give parenting advice or insight for I am only the parent of this one little pudding and have been at this job for just 6 months. I share this to say that in the face of all difficulty, acceptance is always the answer. 

In this scenario the alternative is…

Get cross with a 6 month old for waking up as if he is doing it intentionally to disrupt my sleep.

Throw things and slam things to indulge the frustration and anger that I feel.

Prioritise an unattainable pursuit of perfection in our home instead of being present with the baby.

Try to control my son's sleep outcomes.

Get upset every time his sleep doesn't go to plan.

Ooft. Sounds even worse than what is actually happening this week. Painful. Intolerable… no, thank you. 

Acceptance is the only solution.

There were two other much bigger instances in my life when I've had to practice acceptance in a big way.

Firstly through chronic illness; acceptance unlocked the ability to welcome healing.

And also, through grief; when I lost one of my best friends to suicide I was so incomprehensibly angry and deeply sad. Acceptance was the only way I could remember to breathe.

While sleep deprivation and hormones are not equal to the above two life circumstances I am reminded of the effectiveness and power of acceptance and felt compelled to share it here as it is very front of mind.