Embrace the cringe
When you're scrolling online do you ever find yourself cringing? What about in your favourite sitcom when someone is about to get caught out? Ah, I have such a bad case of cringes. I physically squirm in movies when there is a cringe-worthy moment.
I'm sure it means I'm a great audience for those script writers but the down side of cringing so easily is it honestly holds me back from true authenticity - let me explain.
The observer perspective
Women, more than men, consider how they are being observed… continuously. This is to keep ourselves safe as unfortunately society is in such a position that our safety is on us, not everyone. But it has also been exacerbated by considering how we are being perceived and whether it is acceptable. Do my thighs spread too wide when I sit like that in shorts? Can you see my bingo wings waving when I high five you? Did you spot that rogue chin hair! Oh no!
Think how much energy we expend on these thoughts! What could we achieve if we stopped worrying about how we're being perceived and put that brain power towards something magnificent?
I cringe, you cringe, he/she/they cringe
Beyond being concerned with my appearance I have another intrusive thought that is holding me back.
It is worrying if iiiiiii come across as cringe!!
Becoming a life coach? Cringe.
Posting about your work? Cringe.
Posting a picture you like of yourself? Cringe.
Starting a podcast? Cringe.
Celebrating yourself? Cringe.
Loving hard? Cringe.
And who is this chorus of cringers that I worry about so damn much? It is a combination of two groups… 1. people I went to uni with. 2. people I worked in fashion with. (I say this with the caveat that I went to uni and worked with some amazing people that I'm still friends with today.) But none of those people that I'm worrying about are in my life, nor do I really value their opinions. I don't say that to be nasty but you know there are people who you really want to hear their thoughts because you admire / respect / love them… these people ain't that!
Why they have ANY airtime in my head is beyond me.
Learning to embrace the cringe
Thankfully the older I get the more content I am with embracing the cringe. Fuck it! If I don't talk about my work then how will anyone know to book with me? I had someone message me on IG at the end of last year saying ‘do you do life coaching’ and I was like holy moly, I am really missing a beat if people don't even know that that is my job! That is entirely on me and my good friend ‘Mr Cringe'.
No more!!!!! Cringe be gone!!! Welcome authenticity and vulnerability. So much cooler anyway, just ask Queen Brené Brown.
So let's rephrase that list above.
Becoming a life coach? Cringe. Go you!
Posting about your work? Cringe. We love to see it!
Posting a picture you like of yourself? Cringe. Yes! I want more empowered women flooding my feed!
Starting a podcast? Cringe. Share the link you creative genius!
Celebrating yourself? Cringe. Not if I celebrate you first!
Loving hard? Cringe. The ultimate privilege.
Reframing my thinking
This is the thought I now adopt if I start cringing myself out.
“If I saw someone else doing [x] what would I think?” The answer is 9xs out of 10 “I'd think fuck yeah, good on ya girl!” and then I do it.
I figure if I don't judge others, only celebrate them, then I could do the same for myself.
I even cringe every time I hit send on one of these newsletters. People subscribe, people unsubscribe. I obsess over the unsubscribers, because… not really sure why. Then I take a deep breathe and think what about the amazing people who hit reply and engage on these topics with me. THOSE are who you are writing for. And then I remember it is just an email, it's not that deep. Enjoy it.
So darling reader, firstly THANK YOU for reading! I love writing to you! And remember… it's not that deep. Enjoy it. And no matter what, I'll always be in your corner thinking “fuck yeah, good on ya girl!"
