I am not broken
but this is how they tried to convince me I was.
Welcome to the first of a new monthly series of the guest edition! Ettie Bailey-King is an inclusive and accessibility communication consultant who works with businesses to help them feel brave, confident and supported to embed anti-oppression across their communications, marketing and content. She is as articulate as she is passionate and has some truly impressive perspectives to share. I've no doubt this newsletter will move you, challenge you and enrage you. I'd love to hear your response. Over to Ettie…
Burnout used to be my best friend.
In 2019, I quit my job to set up my own company. Before long, my life became a cycle of overwork, overwhelm and collapse.
I got fatigue and exhaustion, severe anxiety, chronic gastro-intestinal issues, and physical injuries from overwork.
I gave myself a repetitive strain injury in my right arm, from shoulder to index fingertip. My doctor warned me I could get lifelong nerve damage.
So I hit pause. Rested a bit. And then I fell straight back into burnout.
Again and again and again.
Burnout made me feel broken.
I thought I was the problem
People told me “You just need to… Learn to say no. Assert your boundaries. Switch off more.”
(And I did need to do all those things).
But the message I took from all this advice was: you're not enough.
Feeling inadequate is a powerful driver. But it took me to unhealthy places.
Feeling like an imposter
All through my twenties, I felt like a fraud. Every time I got a job, it felt like a fluke. Promotions felt like mistakes, achievements felt like accidents.
I bet you know this feeling. It's often called imposter syndrome.
In a brilliant article titled Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome, Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey write: “Imposter syndrome, or doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud at work, is a diagnosis often given to women.
“Imposter syndrome puts the blame on individuals, without accounting for the historical and cultural contexts that are foundational to how it manifests.”
“It [directs us toward] fixing women at work, instead of fixing the places where women work.” And distracts us from fixing systemic racism, sexism, classism, ableism (and other -isms).
What drives burnout
People who feel like imposters are particularly likely to burn out.
And who feels like an imposter? Many of us. But particularly people who are minoritised or marginalised. For example:
Women of colour, who experience racism plus sexism (misogynoir).
Many neurodivergent people, particularly autistic and ADHD people.
You're not the problem
We tend to label the individual. We say they have burnout (or maybe “mental health issues”).
But why label the person?
Why not focus on the bullying racist bosses, who push people to work twice as hard for half the recognition?
The sexist hiring panels, which turn us into anxious micromanagers as we try to avoid their scrutiny?
The working from home policies that exclude disabled people, parents and carers?
After all, burnout says more about your workplace than it does about you.
Fix professionalism
When I set up my business, I had the chance to create my own workplace.
I designed my own work culture.
And I became my own terrible manager. (Maybe gender equality means people of all genders getting to be terrible managers? Not just men.)
I blamed myself, not the ideals I subscribed to.
We don't need to fix people, we need to fix our ideas of professionalism.
I had to fix my ideas. Like the idea that more work, more pace, more deliverables and more time at your desk (or more time spent nodding with glazed eyes on a Zoom call) = more professional.
Burnout isn't professional
Working like a machine is often seen as professional.
It tends to work well if you:
Are non-disabled, with no chronic health conditions. (Don't worry, you'll soon develop some!)
Have no caring responsibilities. You work your 9 to 5 job then go home to your wife, who's done all the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Right?
Are free from the weight of prejudice and bias at work. No racism, xenophobia, classism, homophobia or transphobia to contend with? You'll do great here. :D
Are neurotypical, with superb executive function. Someone gives you a list of tasks and you breeze through them. No demand avoidance, focus issues or procrastination.
I could go on! These are just some of the features of a good little capitalist robot.
But that was never me. Because:
I have the classic ADHD trait of struggling to assess time, so I'd say yes to too many projects and then panic.
With my hypermobile joints and loose ligaments, I'm at extra risk of repetitive strain injury. (Eighty hours at a desk is an even worse idea for me than for the good capitalist robot).
I didn't understand that high stress plus not enough sleep is a classic cocktail for exacerbating both anxiety and chronic digestion problems (I would call that cocktail the Mental Breakdown Martini).
I bet you're far from that good little capitalist robot too.
Maybe you:
Are a parent or carer?
Have a condition like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, migraine, Crohn's or lupus?
Are neurodivergent (for example, you're autistic, dyslexic or dyspraxic)?
Have passions – gasp - outside work that take up your time and energy?
In a typical workplace, these aspects of your life might make you more likely to burn out. But they don't need to.
Fix the workplace, not the person
The problem isn't the person. It's the systems that disable and exclude us.
These systems are bigger than any of us, but we can acknowledge their influence and challenge them.
Put the blame where it belongs, and still take action.
We can see burnout as the product of systems and -isms. And invest in the things we need (like nourishing food, healthy boundaries and protected hours for rest).
It's like Julia Cameron says. “Pray to catch the bus, then run as fast as you can.”
Say it with me: I am enough.
You don't have imposter syndrome. You exist within -isms (like racism, ableism, sexism and classism).
You don't have a burnout problem. Your workplace does.
You don't need fixing. Professionalism does.
Ettie is my favourite LinkedInfluencer! You must follow her immediately!
I hope you enjoyed the first guest edition of the newsletter. I am enormously grateful to Ettie for sharing her experience on such a personal and complicated subject matter. I've been through it too. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
